Why? Why is it that honesty is not always the best policy? I agree that lying is very useful for protecting somebody’s feelings or for hiding some dark, embarrassing secret that has been kept for many years and every last, little bit of extra effort has been painstakingly put into shutting it away and yet at every party people try to persuade through words and/or drugs into getting it out and yet you keep resisting, knowing that the moment the words escape from your mouth, the most horrible truth imaginable will spill out, forever destroying a reputation that will take decades to–what was I saying? Oh yes. Sometimes, I believe it is for the greater good that the truth be put out there.
For example, let’s say somebody gets a haircut. It’s the kind of haircut that looks like it’s trying very hard to look a particular way, but it just doesn’t cut it. It looks like figurative shit. But, oh no, you can’t possible tell this person that their haircut doesn’t look positively radiating. That would be insulting to…..that one hair stylist you’ll never meet? Come on people, criticizing a haircut isn’t necessarily criticizing the person unless they somehow cut their own hair. I think they want to know that what they are walking around with doesn’t look nearly as good as they hope it does. Perhaps they have their own doubts about the cut, but the hairdresser absolutely insisted that it was purposefully done that way and it is actually “quite popular these days,” making them have false hopes about it. You need to crush those hopes. Crush them to the size of those hair clippings still sitting on their shoulder. They need to know….even if you make them angry at you.
“But wait,” you say. “What does it matter if they have one semi-terrible haircut? Surely it’ll grow in better, or at least their next hair cut will end up somewhat better looking.” Well, you might have a point. However, there’s also the chance that this person will get the bright idea that their haircut is awesome. And then next time they get their haircut, they’ll take a few liberties here and there and try to go further beyond into the terrible spectrum. And then the time after that, they’ll take even more liberties. The haircuts will just get more and more extreme. This is how you get those people with haircuts that literally look like shit. They slowly worked their way towards that after all their friends kept saying their haircut was super special awesome.
So, the moral of the story kids, is that next time somebody compliments you on your new haircut, ask them if that’s really what they meant. Ask them if that’s really what they are saying when they are with their group of friends and they’re laughing and giggling while pointing in your direction. Ask them if this friendship has really been real, or JUST A LIE ALL THESE YEARS! …er, or just, accept the compliment and hope that it really does look halfway decent. Because the world isn’t really out to get you (0nly me).
DISCLAIMER: I’m not actually a crazy person, I just play one in real life.
suspiciously generic 