Like a Boss

Wow, I really stink at this blog thing. It’s been over a month since I have put up a new blog post and my last one wasn’t even my typical kind of post.  Alright, let’s make this up to you and to me: I will put up a new blog post every single day this week.

“But Matt,” you might say. “Won’t the quality of your posts drastically drop as you attempt to come up with material for each day?”

To you I might say, “Well…..you can just shut your pie hole.  Maybe I won’t post every day, but I’ll try to post a couple times this week, as time allows.”

So, after weeks of anticipation, what do I bring you guys?  A list! Everybody loves lists! At least I hope so otherwise these exclamation points are horribly out of place!  This excitement would seem extremely forced!  Anyway, here’s a list!  Of times somebody (i.e. moi) feels like a BA (i.e. an ass of the bad) in college….for perhaps all the wrong reasons:

TOP 10 TIMES I FEEL LIKE A BA IN COLLEGE:

#10. When I’m the first person that gets to use the freshly cleaned bathroom. “I feel so much better knowing it will be I to first soil this sparkly clean bathroom, and not another buttocks.”

#9. When I’m the person to get the last bit of decent food at the dining hall. “You may have thought sir and/or madam that you would get to have this almost delicious piece of almost completely defrosted food product, but I’m afraid it shall be me and not you.  Adieu.”

#8. When I enter an empty laundry room and every single washing machine is somehow empty. “To think that me simply doing laundry on a day other than a Sunday, would allow me to be alone with all of you tonight.  I’m so happy I think I might just hog you all for myself.” [EDIT – As if it wasn’t obvious, I am talking to the washing machines here. Like, duh and stuff. What else would you talk to in a laundry room?]

#7. When I save money on admission/tickets for something. “Wow! This is amazing! I got into The Lion King musical for just $25 thanks to the fact that I’m a college student!  And to think that it only required thousands of dollars to be spent there so I could save a couple bucks here!  …SO WORTH IT!”

#6. When I open the door to a classroom everybody thought was locked. “So….dozens of you sat outside this door here without once trying to turn the knob or pull the door? And I was the first one to actually try it?  I feel so awesome right now, but instead of gloating, I’ll just let it soak into the recesses of your soul.”

#5. When I am the winner of an overlong board game/party game/card game. “We all started the same.  We each had our little pile of what was given to us. We had fun with that pile, helping it grow, but also throwing some of it away.  I made some mistakes and thought I would end up with nothing and no way to come back.  And then, I had my lucky break. I beat out the competition and my pile grew and grew. At last I finally had the biggest–and only–pile.  … YEAH! IN YO’ FACE! I BEAT YO’ ASS IN POKA’ BITCH!  … I certainly look forward to our next game.”

#4. …Shit. I’ve run out of material.  Uh…well. This is awkward. Here I am with four more spots to fill and no more BA situations coming to me at the moment.  Some might say this is a bad sign of things to come for a week where I’m supposed to have a new blog entry each day.  I say it is merely a hurdle to overcome, a challenge to face, …and a lot of digital blank space for me to fill.  *gulp* Well, we’ll see how this goes.