Oh man, it’s been more than a month since my last post. And I was starting to post semi-regularly and everything! Oh well, I’ll throw you all a bone:
I might seem like a relatively normal guy. In fact, some people might think I’m one of the most “normal” people they’ve ever met. That was partially the reasoning behind the title of this blog, “SuspiciouslyGeneric.”
But if you really do know me, you’ll know that is not the case. Not even close. (what other guy would go into such great criticism about his media textbook for the hell of it? and what other guy wastes his readers’ time by having essentially filler take up 30% of his posts like this?)
What I’m getting at is my lack of participation in many things (listed below) most people have done. And by most people I mean most Caucasian, Mid-Western, American people who tend to go the University of Minnesota. There are just so many things I haven’t done that seem like an integral part of that lifestyle (which I’m a part of). Nobody even considers that you haven’t done these things because it’s assumed that everybody has done it. Maybe a foreign exchange student hasn’t done some of these things, or somebody from down south or maybe, maybeeven a home-schooled isolate (but they should have found a way somehow), but as a Caucasian Mid-Western American, it’s almost unpatriotic to have not done these things…or at the very least weird.
“But [Name], your parents are from Poland! Maybe your home lifestyle just prevented this stuff from happening!” Nope, it was all a matter of choice. Let’s take a look.
Never Have I Ever…
-Eaten a Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich: You may not believe it, but get used it, there’s a whole list of stuff like this. Yes, as far as I can remember, I have never tried one of these. People have asked me if I want one plenty of times, I’ve just always declined. As a kid, peanut butter was unappealing to me outside of stuff like Reese’s, and I never really went out of my way for Jelly when Jam is so much better. Putting both things in one disgusting, gooey mix when I could be having a meat or cheese (or both) sandwich just seemed stupid.
-Had Coffee: Ok, I lie-I have tried this. But only like 2 months ago. Wait, what’s weird about this? Well, I AM a college freshman and by now most people have tried coffee at least once to get through a late night of studying, or an early morning of classes, or even a get-together at a coffee place. Plus, I’ve always loved the smell of coffee when my parents would have it. I always intended on trying it eventually but was put off because I didn’t want to get addicted or anything. That shit’s bad for your teeth and caffeine addiction isn’t the best thing to have either. Anyway, I finally went to a Starbucks the other day and went for a fairly normal light coffee with some milk in it. Bad idea. I thought it smelled decently (although not as nice as I thought it should be), but upon tasting it burnt my tongue and experienced a pretty mediocre, bitterish taste. Now, I did several things wrong here. One, having a normal coffee is bad to start with for a n00b like me, I should have had a frappa-latte-vente-whatever thing that’s more sweet and like milk than coffee. I also should have waited a few more minutes and opened up my lid earlier to cool things off more. Lastly, I probably shouldn’t have had Starbucks. My family isn’t a huge fan of Starbucks and generally prefers other kinds of coffee to my knowledge. I may just be making up this fact, but I think families tend to have similar tastes in food and stuff because they should have grown up with similar foods and so should probably like and dislike generally the same things throughout life. It was not the wisest thing to drink something generally thought of as “eh” by people with my kind of taste.
-Had a Shamrock Shake: With St. Patrick’s Day coming up, this is appropriate to point out. Maybe this is exclusive to my region or whatever, but every year McDonald’s has these and every year people seem to freak out and get as many as they can, or at least get one before they stop being sold for the year. But I mean…it’s a mint shake. Mint may be fine for like a Lifesaver or gum flavor, but as a shake? I dunno…I don’t even like cookies with mint in them and most people go crazy over that shit. Especially the Girl Scout kind, my God…
-Eaten a s’more: At least until recently…as far as I know. I dunno, I’ve been on a few too many camping trips for this to be possible, but I really don’t remember having one before. As a kid, I never liked marshmallows outside of perhaps breakfast cereal. Those big fluffy white things freaked me out. Like, what the hell? This isn’t natural! And sticking it in a fire to make it messy and gooey? YYYYuuuuckkk. At least, that’s how I felt as a kid. I’ve cooked burnt many a some marshmallow since then. And put together a lovely burnt and awkward s’more since then. They’re pretty good actually. This is one thing I definitely should have had earlier. …although marshmallows are kind of a hassle to do well.
-Ridden a normal roller-coaster: I have been on a few roller-coasters before. I have never been on any particularly fast ones though, or ones with loops. Loops freak me the fuck out. YOU ARE UPSIDE DOWN BUT NOT FALLING. IT MAKES NO SENSE. And you can shut your face on momentum or whatever you want to say. I don’t care. The one time I take a roller-coaster, it’ll fall into a million pieces, or it’ll be too slow and I’ll fall out or something terrible’s going to happen. I’m sorry, but I probably will never do this. I don’t want to die from a roller-coaster.
-Had AIM: Apparently, this is a pretty big deal. I remember being in Middle School and having tons of people talking about conversations they had on AIM, or how they should talk on AIM tonight or something about instant messaging. I’m not sure if maybe my main circle friends didn’t have AIM, or if my parents had forbade it, but I’m pretty sure I just voluntarily didn’t want it. I had used forums before. And a friend and I occasionally screwed around on random chat rooms with random people. I think my first real instant messaging kind of thing was an XFire account (gaming/web chat application). Nowadays I use Facebook, Skype, texting, and Steam (another gaming/chat thing). And AIM is pretty much dead to my knowledge. Or maybe it’s still super popular, all underground and whatnot. I dunno.
-Had a Blizzard: No, not “a” blizzard. “A BLIZZARD.” Like…Dairy Queen Blizzards. I suppose this is kind of related to the Shamrock Shake thing, but less because I don’t think I’ll like it, but more like I almost never go to DQ. As a kid, sure, I hated the idea of a blizzard. I only liked freaking vanilla ice cream for a very long time, you must understand. Now, I’m sure I’d like a blizzard. At least, to a point. My teeth are kind of sensitive you see. I don’t eat ice cream and other cold treats too often partially because of this.
Welp, most of this list ended up just being a bunch of foods I haven’t tried. I’m sure I’m forgetting a bunch of stuff so perhaps I’ll update this post or make another post as an addition at some point.
EDIT: Apparently, this post somehow got put up 41 times. Forty-one times. I swear I did not click “publish” or “update” or anything nearly that many times. But yeah, I had to delete all the other ones and that’s why there is a 41 in the link to this post.
suspiciously generic 