Alright, turn on the angst-y music. Furrow brow. Ruffle up hair for some reason.
It’s rantin’ time.
Now that I’ve successfully not screwed up in college and got my participation trophy, you’d think I have some sort of insightful retrospective or philosophical ponderings of the future. Nah, there’s none of that. I’ve dusted off the cobwebs of this blog to unleash a hellish torrent of words upon each and every employer who has ever betrayed my trust.
By not.
Getting back.
TO ME.
Why? Why? Why is it so hard? You were able to reach out to me just fine in the beginning. This interview happened somehow. I didn’t just show up to your door, resume in hand, and get to have a sweaty palm-inducing conversation as I awkwardly sit in a chair trying to appear casual, yet assuringly professional.
No, you invited me to have a conversation either through phone or in-person. This was typically done via email. Occasionally the phone. You know, two things that still exist and (I’ve checked) still work, and you are totally free to use again. And in this case, use to freaking tell me when I did or did not get the job!
Is it SO. HARD? You already had to tell the person that got it. Just keep dialing or typing. Don’t stop. No, you don’t get a lunch break. You sit down like a grown-up, and dish out the bad news. At least then I can move on. This isn’t my dating life. You can’t just not call back and think I’ll get the hint. Maybe instead I’ll just think you’re completely incompetent and spread the word to all my friends. You keep doing this and eventually your company will build a sort of reputation for being jackasses. Or dumbasses. Some kind of ass. You assume and you make an ass out of “u” and “me.” Mostly you.
“B-but Mark, I don’t have an answer yet! I can’t get back to you within a week just because that’s standard!” Well, that’s nice. But first: my name isn’t Mark (thanks). And second: then tell me! Tell me you don’t know. “But that’ll make us look incom…incop….that’ll make us look stupid!” Uh, no. No, it won’t. It’ll make you look like you care. Keep me updated. Tell me you’re still interviewing other candidates and so you don’t have a decision. Tell me you still haven’t had your decision-making meeting because you’re busy with clients right now. Tell me the budget forecast has changed and so you won’t be able to take on any new employees. Just tell me! I don’t care what the news is. It’s better than being left in the dark. It’s common courtesy. It shows you respect those people who took the time and effort to apply to you, stress out, and trek all the way over to your freakishly hard-to-find office.
I’m not saying it’s easy to be on the hiring end. You have your own shit-filled avalanche to deal with. All these applicants just hoping you’ll notice them. It’s worse than being a girl on a dating website. But when you find a nice guy who had a pleasant conversation with you, at least have the courtesy to let them down. It doesn’t even have to be gently so long as you do it. I’d probably be happier getting an email like this:
Dear applicant,
No.
Thanks,
Head of Hiring and Douchiness.
I would honestly rather hear this than nothing.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more job applications to not hear back about (even with reminder emails from me…).
suspiciously generic 