Hello! If you’re reading this, hopefully you saw my Facebook post. If not, please go read that first. Thanks. 🙂
This FAQ is intended to answer questions regarding my transition and to answer common questions about transgender people in general. I hope you find it helpful. Here we go!
What does it mean to be transgender? What is gender identity?
I’ll let the American Psychological Association address this. “Transgender is an umbrella term for persons whose gender identity, gender expression, or behavior does not conform to that typically associated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth. Gender identity refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else.” So, because I was assigned male at birth, but my gender identity is female, I’m transgender. Simple. 🙂
So, are you like, super gay or something?
Not exactly. Gender identity and sexual orientation are not the same. Who I’m attracted to is not determined by my gender.
…But yes, you could say I’m super gay since I am a woman who likes women…and men…well, OK, all gender identities (I’d describe myself as pansexual).
So this is like drag, right? You’re like a drag queen? OH, let’s go to a drag show! YAAAS QUEEN!!!
Nope, drag is a separate thing from being transgender. Drag performers aren’t necessarily transgender. And transgender people aren’t necessarily in the drag community.
Personally speaking, I’m not really into drag. I respect the importance it has had and continues to have in the LGBTQ community, but I just can’t get into it. It’s a spectacle that I don’t understand the appeal of and am sort of annoyed by people confusing drag stuff and transgender stuff all the time. But they’re not at all the same thing. You do you and enjoy your drag shows, but I’ll pass. Sorry!
Please see this link if you need more clarification: https://transequality.org/issues/resources/understanding-drag
Have you known that you’re transgender your whole life?
Some transgender people say they’ve known their whole life that their assigned gender and true gender don’t align. But many others only realized this later in life. I began to realize my gender identity in my middle school years.
Are you getting…“““the surgery”””????
I’m assuming you mean the surgery commonly known as sexual reassignment surgery/gender confirmation surgery? Let me answer that question with a question. Are we on a close enough personal level that we talk about each other’s genitals? Oh, we aren’t? So why are you asking me about my genitals? That’s none of your business, thank you very much.
How do I talk about transgenders properly? Can I say transvestite/tranny/t-girl/etc.?
Transgender cannot be used as a noun. So, you can’t say “that transgender over there” or “there are a bunch of transgenders here.” Instead, you would say “that transgender person over there” or “there are a bunch of transgender people here.” It’s also acceptable to say “trans” in most instances where you’d say “transgender.”
Transgender is also not a verb. So you can’t say somebody “transgendered.” You would say they “transitioned.”
Transvestite refers to cross-dressing, not being transgender. I would avoid using the term entirely since it’s generally considered outdated. Tranny is considered an offensive term. T-girl is something I’ve only seen used in the porn industry and is kinda dehumanizing. Don’t use it.
Can’t you just be an effeminate guy?
At the end of the day, that’s just not enough. Being an effeminate guy simply isn’t the same thing as being female. Let’s say you’re a woman. But you grow a thick, bushy beard you constantly need to shave, your breasts are nonexistent, your voice is deep, and you’re constantly referred to as a guy. Does “acting effeminate” suddenly make you happy? No, because you’re still bogged down by all of these distinctly “guy” things. That’s exactly how I felt. I’m not in this for the mani/pedis, makeup, and dresses (well, not exclusively). I kind of need the whole package. I want to live as and be seen as the woman I am.
Does transitioning actually help transgender people?
Uhh…yes? Taking hormone medication and socially transitioning have both been instrumental in making me a much happier person. It’s seriously been like taking anti-depressants. I can actually enjoy life now!
But if you want something more scientific, here’s a great list of studies about this very topic! https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/
What are some good resources to learn more about transgender stuff?
The American Psychological Association answers questions about transgender stuff: https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/transgender.aspx
A guide to being a trans ally from PFLAG: https://www.pflag.org/sites/default/files/guide%20to%20being%20a%20trans%20ally.pdf
A guide to being a trans ally from the National Center for Transgender Equality: https://transequality.org/sites/default/files/docs/resources/Ally-Guide-July-2016_0.pdf
A fantastic podcast about a mother and her young transgender daughter: http://www.howtobeagirlpodcast.com/ (If you only have time for one episode, this was a decent intro to the series for me, skip to 1:12: https://longestshortesttime.com/episode-94-raising-a-transgender-child/)
suspiciously generic 